i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
