oh god the rape fog is back!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
