I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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