I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
