i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
