tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
