Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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