i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
