I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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