let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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