i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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