guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
