med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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