There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
