Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
