Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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