SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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