and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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