He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
