I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
