That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
