That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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