Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
