I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
