i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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