2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
