I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
