Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
