Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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