I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
