We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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