there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
