i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
