make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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