He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
