So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
