She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
