direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
