I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Panties = found
Randomize
