So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
