I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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