Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dicks are not precious.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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