Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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