He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
