I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
