i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
