i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
