you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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