I wish I could punch you in the face.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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