Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
