Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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