i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
