Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
