Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
