just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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