I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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