I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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