I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
