Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
