So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
do nipples grow back?
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